When we think of musicians, I think a lot of us think of the starving artist. The miserable musician that is suffering for his art. No one understands his genius. He is constantly tormented by those who are better than him, so he puts in absurd hours of practice. It’s the only way to be great.
Then we idolize these people. We put them on a pedestal. And in order to be as great as them, we believe we have to suffer like them.
So we tell ourselves we have to push ourselves harder. We need to reach for perfection to be great. Anything short of perfection is a failure. And failure is not an option.
And so our musical lives begin by committing to all the big principles. Discipline. Perseverance. Consistent practice. Determination. Time. Effort. Blood. Sweat. Tears.
Don’t get me wrong, I am a big fan of all those things. Well, maybe not the blood. I mean, if you are bleeding it is definitely time to take a 10-minute break.
But as important as all these things are, there is one thing that is way more important when it comes to practicing the piano…
You have got to be kind to yourself.
I have seen it time and time again in many of my students. The perfectionist syndrome. We all want to be great at something. And we think the way to become great is to push ourselves harder and harder. We all watch Gary Vaynerchuck videos on YouTube telling us that we are slacking off and so we think the only way to improve is to work harder.
Although hard work does pay off, there is a line that you can cross and once you do, you actually begin to impede your progress.
I am totally a perfectionist. I do it too. I tend to think that in order to be respected, I have to be flawless. I have to be the best. No excuses. But that drive turns into self-loathing really fast. And as soon as I start hating myself for not being good enough, I suddenly lose my motivation to practice. I get down on myself. I lose hope and I see no point in trying anymore. In simple terms, I give up.
If you give up, you will never achieve greatness.
That seems like an obvious point, but the reason I make it is because I want you to see that perfectionism leads to giving up. You may start out with great intentions, but the more you beat yourself up, the more you are setting yourself up to fail. And if you don’t stop yourself from going down that road, it is just a matter of time until you give up. I promise you will.
I don’t want you to give up. I want you to succeed. I want you to achieve your goals with the piano. And the only way you are going to do that is by being kind to yourself. You have to let go of those impossible expectations you keep putting on yourself. You will never achieve perfection. It’s never going to happen. Matter of fact, you can’t get better at something without failing a lot and the piano is no different.
You need to make mistakes.
The mistakes we make while playing the piano are exactly the things that make us better. You need to make mistakes to learn. You need to make a lot of them. Every time you mess up, you shouldn’t yell at yourself expecting perfection. You should smile and be glad you have the opportunity to get better.
Think about it. If you never made a mistake, how would you know how to improve? You wouldn’t. You couldn’t. The mistakes show us new techniques. The mistakes help us fix the small things we are doing wrong. The mistakes make us better. There is no way around it.
So if you know you need to make mistakes to improve, can you learn to be kind to yourself when you make them? I admit it is not always easy. Especially in this culture we live in where we are taught to always work harder and longer. Better. Stronger. Faster.
How to achieve greatness.
We place too much importance on hard work and not enough on giving ourselves a break. In order to be great, we need to have a combination of work ethic and kindness. Kindness is something we need to start practicing, just like our scales. It needs to be a regular part of our practice routine.
As a matter of fact, I think it is the most important element of our practice routine. Without kindness, the whole house of cards will crumble fast. Think of kindness as the foundation for all that you do with music. If you can start from a place of grace, then you can allow yourself to make all the mistakes that you need to make to become the player you want to be.
With a little bit of kindness, it’s just a matter of time until you achieve the greatness you have always dreamed of. And this time you won’t give up before you get there.